"Santa Fe's and therefore the world'sstrangest web site.
Fascinating sound clips and soul-nourishing content."
- Bill Hutchison, staff writer, Santa Fe Reporter
(See our Home Page)
Welcome to the Humor Page
With all due respect to the humor on some of our other pages, like the Satire Songs page, this is the humor page!
"People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like."
- Abraham LIncoln
(Caption by Jim Terr)
WINNER OF THE 2001 PLAN B 3-MINUTE FILM FESTIVAL,
SANTA FE, NM (Documentary Category)
"Santa Fe Stops" 3-minute video tells you all you need to
know about the decline of western civilization--
or at least about Santa Fe, NM.
Your guide to the best amusements and information
on the Net.
Windows broadband (3:06, 6 mb)
(This video shot in conjunction with
The New Mexico Driver's Survival Guide).
Holy vomitorium department
Family Files Suit Against Archdiocese
BRENDAN L. SMITH | The New Mexican (Santa Fe)
Saturday, July 05, 2003
At the funeral for former Chama councilman Ben Martinez, a priest said "clearly, loudly and without hesitation that the Lord vomited people like Ben out of his mouth to hell," according to a lawsuit filed by Martinez's family against the Archdiocese of Santa Fe.
The Rev. Scott Mansfield's comments at the 80-year-old man's funeral, the lawsuit states, have had a devastating effect, resulting in nightmares, depression, anxiety attacks and the need for psychological counseling for Martinez's family.
"It has really damaged us, as well as our children," Martinez's daughter-in-law, Joanne Martinez, said this week. "It's hard to believe a man of the cloth would actually talk that way about a person. God is supposed to be love, but we didn't see any love that day."
Mansfield is now the priest for Holy Child Parish in Tijeras. A receptionist there said he couldn't be reached because he is on a retreat in Colorado.
Celine Radigan, spokeswoman of the archdiocese, said, "Father Scott Mansfield has denied the allegations that are stated in the complaint."
The archdiocese's policy is to withhold comment on pending legal matters, she said, "and thus we intend to follow the legal process."
The archdiocese has responded to the lawsuit, filed last month in District Court in Tierra Amarilla. The suit seeks a jury trial and punitive and compensatory damages against the archdiocese and Mansfield, who presided at Martinez's funeral on June 17, 2002, at St. Patrick's Parish in Chama.
Mansfield was angry that Ben Martinez had not attended church regularly during the last year of his life, the lawsuit claims, even though Martinez was ill with emphysema.
At the funeral, attended by about 200 people, Mansfield said, "Ben Martinez was a Catholic in name only, and if you are not a true Catholic, you are going to hell," the lawsuit states.
Mansfield used "graphic terms to describe the fact that Ben Martinez had been living in sin and that if a person is lukewarm in their faith, as he stated Ben Martinez had been, that the Lord will vomit you out," the complaint says.
Kathleen Kentish Lucero, the Martinez family's attorney, said Mansfield left the parish a few weeks after the funeral, but she is not aware of any disciplinary action taken against him by the archdiocese.
The archdiocese's initial response to a possible lawsuit was that Mansfield's comments were protected by the First Amendment because they were made by a priest during a religious ceremony, Lucero said.
But Lucero says Mansfield's remarks are not protected speech because they departed from Catholic Church doctrine and were intended to hurt Martinez's family. Two family members have put their Chama homes on the market because they were so humiliated by Mansfield's remarks, Lucero said.
"Priests, like all human beings, should be accountable for their conduct," Lucero said.
Martinez owned Ben's Lounge and ran a towing company, Lucero said.
Andy Rivas, a deacon trainee who helped Mansfield with the funeral, later was removed from his position because he spoke out against Mansfield's comments, the lawsuit states.
While walking to the grave site, the complaint says, Mansfield told Rivas "he did not give a (expletive) what the people of Chama thought, that he had put the Martinez family in their place."
The lawsuit also alleges a parish newsletter issued after the funeral threatened parishioners with excommunication if they complained about Mansfield's remarks.
The lawsuit was filed by Martinez's widow, Joann Martinez, Martinez's three sons, one daughter and their spouses.
On Easter Sunday of 1987, Ben Martinez's first wife, Bernie Martinez, and his daughter, Anita Aragon, were both shot to death by the daughter's estranged husband, Daniel Aragon. Ben Martinez subsequently remarried.
New (2006) series of letters by and about Don Schrader, who really stirs 'em up in Albuquerque. From Weekly Alibi. And see earlier exchange (2003) below.
Say No to Sniveling
Dear Alibi, The Alibi recently published two letters criticizing Don Schrader's letter “Crap No One Needs” [Letters, “Reverend Don” and “Born in the U.S.A.,” Aug. 31-Sept. 6]. The implication of the letters is that Don is somehow a parasite to our society. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Yes, Don has very strong beliefs and he lives them more consistently than any other Albuquerque resident. As such, he makes most of the rest of us uncomfortable because we are all compromised compared to Don's standard of behavior.
Don never said he refuses to pay taxes. He refuses to pay federal taxes. The sidewalks he treads (always on shod feet, incidentally) are paved with the city property taxes he pays through his rent. The UNM facilities he patronizes are paid for in part by the state sales taxes he pays when he buys his food at La Moñtanita, like many of the rest of us. It is federal taxes he objects to, since roughly half of every federal tax dollar is used to pay for militarism (war preparations, war waging, war casualties, past, present and future), regardless of which party is in the White House or in control of Congress. In his effort to minimize complicity with militarism he highlights the hypocrisy in the rest of us. As for his “sniveling,” I've known Don for two decades and have never known him to snivel about anything. He states his positions in a forthright, mature manner and lets the chips fall as they may. Instead of engaging in either inaccurate accusations or emotional character assassinations, these two readers might want to walk a mile in Don's shoes before they criticize his life decisions.
Chuck Hosking Albuquerque
Patron Saint of Barefoot Travelers
Dear Alibi, Count on a Don Schrader letter to bring out the capitalist fundamentalists screaming “blasphemy!” Two [Letters, “Reverend Don” and “Born in the U.S.A.,” Aug. 31-Sept. 6] accused Don, as always, of being an ungrateful leech, claiming that if you want sidewalks and schools then you should shut up about Our Boys slaughtering Asians. Sidewalks and schools are funded by local taxes: sales tax, property assessment, etc. Your IRS tithe goes overwhelmingly for Guys With Guns and Fat-Assed Analysts telling us that we can’t afford Social Security or Medicare anymore.
To say that our soldiers mean well is pointless. Has there ever been an invading army that thinks they’re doing it for the sake of chaos and evil? Soldiers always believe they are killing so their mothers and daughters will be safe. It’s just comical to assert that military obedience training makes you more qualified than Don to analyze foreign policy. Hooray for Saint Don!
Paul Bossert Albuquerque
Born in the U.S.A. Dear Alibi, [RE: Letters, “Crap No One Needs,” Aug. 24-30]
Don Schrader, congratulations on being worthless to society! You should be proud.
Yes, the war in Iraq is a bad thing. I will not argue about that. That is only a small portion of where tax money goes, however. Consider health care, education and various other programs the government offers. And while this particular war is not necessary, they sometimes unfortunately are. You may choose to live as a communist or survivalist or anarchist or worthless leech ... or whatever the hell you want to call yourself, but many of the rest of us are quite happy as capitalists living in a democratic republic, and are willing to fight to defend this ideal. If we don't fight to defend our ideals, others will fight us to push theirs.
You also chose to make some snide comments about our soldiers. I guess this is to be expected of a sniveling coward such as yourself. You choose to let others do your dirty work while you sit and whine. Speaking as someone who's seen the Air Force, I can assure you that soldiers are humans, same as everyone else. Soldiers have the same fears as anyone else and, yes, they also have consciences. They made the choice, however, to defend what they believe in with their lives, whatever other motivations they may have had. But there's good news for you yet, Don! In the U.S.A., thanks much to the efforts of our brave and wonderful soldiers, you have the right to be the worthless and sniveling little whiner that you are! And being an American myself, I have the right to point that out to you! Isn't that just swell?
Randall Sobien Albuquerque
Reverend Don Dear Alibi, [RE: Letters, “Crap No One Needs,” Aug. 24-30]
Mr. Schrader, as you’ve relentlessly pointed out in the Albuquerque press for the last 20-plus years, you don’t pay taxes and encourage the rest of us to live as you do if we protest the war machine. You obviously don’t have the luxury of caring for dependents, for one thing. I applaud you for not supporting the war, but I defy you to prove that you do not ever benefit from the many other tax programs the rest of us fund, including the one used to put a sidewalk under your (bare) protesting feet.
Jill Gatwood Albuquerque
(ORIGINAL LETTER IN THIS FALL ’06 SERIES)
Crap No One Needs
Dear Alibi, Marching for peace while paying for war is like praying for health while hogging out on junk food! Soldiers risk their bodies and their lives to wage war, but, sadly, most U.S. peace activists do not break their addiction of buying what no one needs in order to live simply below the federal income taxable level to stop baying for war! As long as you spend like crazy for crap no one needs, you will insist on having an income larger than the taxable level. Your buying addiction keeps you paying year after year from every paycheck for U.S. atrocities all over the world.
Would you pay to have your pet cats and dogs tortured and bombed? Would you pay to cripple, make homeless and murder neighborhood children on your street? The children of Iraq, Lebanon and the West Bank are no less precious, no less human than the children on your street.
Your federal income tax pays to burn babies, to paralyze parents, to blind grandparents ... I refused to be a soldier in 1969 during the Vietnam War. For me, as a conscientious objector to all wars, to pay federal income tax to train other Americans, largely the poor and people of color, to become professional hired killers to murder or command with no conscience would be more evil than being a soldier myself. Many U.S. progressives spend endless energy and hours analyzing, measuring, protecting and cursing the beast (the U.S. Empire) while they keep on feeding it with their federal income tax dollars and their consumer dollars. Many U.S. progressives are addicted to the loot of this empire while they damn the blood! The loot always is drenched in blood.
I have no right to pay tax to do to other people what I do not want them to do to me. Nothing in life is more important than refusing to pay federal income tax for war—no matter who is president. The best way to refuse to pay federal income tax for war, with no fines and no threats from the IRS, is to live simply, below the federal income taxable level.
The federal income taxable level for 2006 for a single person under 65 who is not blind is $8,450, for a married couple filing together—$16,900. I lived well all of 2005 on $3,885—less than the taxable level. I have paid no federal income tax for war for 27 years. I pledge never to pay the rest of my life.
Don Schrader Albuquerque
The following exchange from the Letters pages of the Weekly Alibi (Albuquerque, NM, www.Alibi.com) got such a response on my radio show and another live "reading", that I offer it here as a fine tribute to free speech, to Letters sections in general and to the Alibi's in particular, where the letters tend to be passionate... Don, FYI, is a fixture of the university neighborhood, often seen walking and tanning his golden body along the main drag.
Don's World (April 17, 2003)
No job, salary, relationships, degree, car, house, art, furniture, trip or gadgets are worth paying federal income tax to rob, terrorize, blind, cripple, paralyze, make homeless and murder our sisters and brothers in Iraq and worldwide.
The main purpose of the U.S. war machine is to make sure that most Americans, especially the greediest, keep on hogging and stealing the wealth of the world. The best way to boycott the U.S. war machine, with no fines and no threats from the IRS, is to live simply under the taxable level. The taxable level this year for a single, sighted, under 65-year-old person is $7,800. I lived well last year on $3,760.
I have owned no car since I returned to Albuquerque in 1988. The last time I rode in any car was April 7, 2001. I hate cars because I hate wars for oil, poisoned air, the horror of global warming, highways smothering fertile soil ... I love to walk! I would not trade my 12' by 14' home for the most luxurious mansion in the world.
I am glad I have no refrigerator, TV, VCR, car, computer, credit cards, business suit, jet travel, phone, microwave, air conditioner... I wash my clothes by hand at home. I am glad I consume no booze, cigarettes, restaurant meals, junk food, meat, dairy, cooked food, illegal drugs, prescription drugs ... I am glad I have no doctor, dentist, medical insurance. I am an all-raw foods vegetarian devoted to natural health. I yearn for passionate lifelong romance with a man, but I will not surrender or compromise my war tax refusal and my living simply for any man on Earth!
I refused to be a soldier in 1969 during the Vietnam War. For me, as a conscientious objector to pay federal income tax to train other Americans, largely the poor and people of color, to become professional hired killers to murder on command with no conscience would be more evil than being a soldier myself. My life is an all-out public boycott of the U.S. Empire every day as long as I live.
Don Doesn't Get It (April 24, 2003)
Don Schrader? Here we go again. Blah, blah, blah. You are an anachronism. You are out of place and time. You long for a passionate lifelong romance--good luck! You won't find it parading your ass up and down Central. Your landlord should kick your naked ass out of that 12' x 14' box you call home, so that you can see what the world is really like. No computer, no TV: Where do you come by your warped view of the world? Besides the Alibi, what is your source of news of current events? Do you actually peruse a newspaper or news magazine? Or do you base your fucked-up image of the country on the evil passersby in oil-burners who honk at your foolish and simplistic propagandistic signs?
By the way, in the interest of "full disclosure"--what is the source of your $3,760? Since you don't work, do you produce anything to earn an income? Or do you live off some trust fund from a deceased parent? Are you milking the system for some disability? Do you vote? If you don't vote, your opinion means nothing anyway--you are irrelevant.
Do you realize the "U.S. War Machine" maintains your right to live and act the way you do, and yes--even to insanely rant against the "Empire." I think it would be appropriate--and divinely poetic--to drop your semi-clad butt into Saddam's Iraq--say, from a Huey helicopter--and watch as your Iraqi brothers and sisters' beat you for being naked, cut out your tongue for speaking out and then stone you to death for being gay. Such an "enlightened" society might illustrate to you just how lucky you are to live in the United States, where people only laugh at the sight of you.
Gene Anderson, employed, tax-paying, SUV-driving, on-line, satellite, phone, radio/tv, insured, licensed and contributor to society and the economy-- and proud of it.
Click here for additional political vitriol
©2000 Josh Martin. Josh Martin is a musician, writer and luthier who can be reached at JoshAcrossAmerica@yahoo.com. Please write to encourage him
to come up with more of these cartoons -- in ink! -- and to get them published.
It took me a while to figure out what the point of this ad was supposed to be, but anyhow I don't know which is weirder: the ad agency's idea of dot-com losers (black shirts and slacks -- and what's up with that??) or their image of an all-knowing financial advisor. They all just look like models to me.
I heard about this extraordinary race horse on National Public Radio news:
Zippy Chippy is the losingest thoroughbred of our time, possibly of all time. His owner loses tons of money on him, but loves him and says Zippy is happiest when he's running, so he continues to race him anyway.
He's currently 47th on the list of the 60 worst athletes of all time. (All the others are humans.)
It's been so long since Zippy won a race, he's become somewhat of a legend, and there are many people who show up just to cheer him on, and who place bets on him just because they'd make so much money if he ever wins.
He's been barred from some race tracks because of his tendency to sit down when the race starts, and to not stop when the race is over, both of which are dangerous.
A center fielder once challenged Zippy Chippy to a 40-yard dash--and won!
Note to Psychopaths:
This is a satirical paste-up only, and is not intended to suggest or encourage any illegal or anti-social behavior.
Both c ourtesy of TTK, art student and creative person
Postcard ca. 1910 (?)
"A day without an update or recommendation from Jim Terr is like a day without sunshine, a night without stars, a party without guests, a pond without frogs, a dog without fleas, a deer without ticks."
-Gershon Siegel, publisher, Eldorado Sun (Santa Fe)
Home Products Phone/Fax Orders Public Service Opinion
Humor Satire Songs Other Services Links Contact Us
Public service message for “free lance creatives”
When submitting a public service message idea to the New Mexico Department of Transportation, please follow these simple guidelines: DON’T DO IT!!!
Take it from me, a guy with a fairly good public record of creative work (including the VERY long-running “Toss No Mas” jingle. I submitted an idea which arguably, years later, resulted in the popular NMDOT “Don’t Text” video, “DNTXT: Deadly Conversation”. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwta1bxyLGw )
When I made the Department aware of my earlier submission, and gently suggested they pay me what I had requested as a creative fee in the first place, they politely declined, based on technicalities**, while not actually denying that my idea may have likely resulted in the current campaign.
This is the highly principled, morality-in-government, “do the right thing” Martinez administration, by the way. So, until further notice, and until they decide to do the right thing, my suggested guideline for submitting ideas remains: DON’T DO IT!
- Jim Terr 2014 / email bluecanyon2 – at – juno – dot – com
** and asking ME – legal expert that I am not – if I can let them know of any statutes contradicting the technicality they cited!!