Check out the big BuDDy interview in Santa Fe One Heart Magazine. BuDDy sez: They "corected" BuDDys spellin but theill never "correct" ol BuDDys visin of whats write for America!
Are friend and songwriter Jim Terr is also interviewed. As a courtesy, here's his website
Our secure Paypal link is here. You will need to provide your address and of course credit or debit card info. Also provide name of whom you want CD(s) autographed.
For example "To Tom" (Love BuDDy,) or "To Bob and Alice" (Love BuDDy).
CDs are $15.00 each, plus $4 shipping for each US address, regardless of quantity of CDs ordered. For example, 2 CDs to one address are $30 + $4 shipping = $34.00. One CD to each of two addresses would be $15 + $4 = $19, x 2 = $38.00. I will get your e-mail address with order, in case anything is unclear. THANK YOU. BuDDy loves you! CONTACT
(CD available "retail" in Santa Fe at Santa Fe Hemp, 105 E. Water Street )
------- NOTE: Website has not been updated below here, in quite a while...
-------
Some people calls this BuDDy's Old FASHION
web site (or website), and that' ok with us!
BuDDy's Old Fashion website, BuDDy's Old- Fashioned Website, BuDDy's Old
Fashion web site, what differens deos it make?
BuDDy involved in a funny mix-up, by Golly. See details
The
web site you've been waiting for! * No digital information - "analog" waves only.
* All sound & video on reliable reel-to-reel tapes.
* Hardly any plastic. * Made in U.S.A.
* Solar powered (methane backup).
* Uses recycled electrons. "We just wanna be your friend"(SM)
The Tricklock Reptilian Lounge audience LOVES Buddy; they eat him
up. Buddy is profoundly amazing ... with a guitar, a pot belly, and
a sincere desire to just want to be your friend. Buddy is instantly
likeable - spouting satirical songs and attitudes with such fresh
innocence, unaware that he is hitting the heart ... Who knew that
a pot-bellied, sincere, simple red-neck could be so damn loveable!
-- Kerry Morrigan, producer and co-host, Tricklock
Theater's Reptilian Lounge, Albuquerque, NM
Age: 50+ (est.) Fortune: self made Source: Being your friend
Net Worth: 4.8 B»
Country Of Citizenship: USA Residence: Santa Fe, NM USA Industry: Entertainment Marital Status: Divorced 3x (est.)
I
am totally a fan of BuDDy's...I think if more Amurricans could just
see things from his point of view (although he DOES heroically admit
that his past has its flaws) well, we'd just be a lot better off,
that's all. It's so refreshing to come across someone with no hidden
agenda, who just wants to be my friend. Have you got any bumper
stickers out for BuDDy?
--The Legendary Panama Red
"A
musical tribute from BuDDy is like a passionate kiss
from a large St. Bernard: Unforgettable!"-Hodding
Carter
Click
here for
some of the best musical satire on the Web, including BuDDy's
tribute to Susan Stamberg's eternal, infernal cranberry sauce
recipe on NPR!
Movie
trailer parody: "The Passion of BuDDy"
(featured in 2004 Santa Fe Film Festival)
BuDDy
proudly testifies to his
military service with the President-to-be. "I
Served With George"
BuDDy Pipes Up for Public Radio! Markets up sharply in response to
Buddy' s
60-second spot for free and unlimited use in
any and all community radio fundraisers!
Real Audio 56kMP3(ADD MUSIC TO TASTE!))
(SANTA
FE) Perhaps he should have asked Ted Turner's permission first, but rising country-western star and new
American idol “BuDDy” says he was only trying to help rejuvenate
“the saggy U.S. economy” with his earnest but decidedly homegrown
advert for Turner's new bison meat chain, Ted's Montana Grill.
BuDDy's Salute to Neil LaBute (Playwright / Filmmaker)
A shocking live performance!
Songsin
this performance:
The Spam Song*
Come Here Darlin'...
" Bring It On!"* (BuDDy's tribute to his Commander-in-Chief.
But with friends like BuDDy, who needs enemies?)
Texas Song
America
Attacked . . .
America at War . . .
America Pulls Together . . .
America Heals . . .
America Comes Home
to BUDDY!
NEWS FLASH!
BUDDY GUEST-HOSTS WORLDWIDE
INTERNET COUNTRY SHOW
(Click here: www.InternetCountryShow.com) See press release at bottom of page
Order and artist contact info is included below
for "non-major-label" artists featured on the program.
Cry Cry Cry Highway 101 (Sherrill/Devaney ASCAP/BMI) I Taught Her Everything She Knows (Bryan
Burns BMI)
Michael Hearne &
South by Southwest From the CD, "Honky
Tonk Road"
Artist and Order info: www.MichaelHearne.com Ginkgo and Tofu BuDDy Converse &
the Sneakers (Jim Terr BMI) From the CD, Jim
Terr & Friends, "Demos & Diamonds"
Order info: www.BlueCanyonProductions.com/cd.html
Artist info: www.YourFriendBuDDy.com Too Far Gone Kathy Chiavola (Billy Sherrill
BMI) From the CD, "From
Where I Stand"
Order & Artist
info: www.KathyChiavola.com Big City Merle Haggard (Merle Haggard/Dean
Holloway BMI) Cold, Dark Taverns Jim Terr (Jim Terr
BMI) From the CD, Jim
Terr & Friends, "Demos & Diamonds"
Order info: www.BlueCanyonProductions.com/CD.html
Artist info: www.BlueCanyonProductions.com/other.html Prayin' Hands Elliott Rogers (Elliott
Rogers BMI) From the CD, "Comin'
Back 2 You"
Order info: SongMart@aol.com
Artist info: ERogers283@aol.com Tennessee The Last Mile Ramblers (Martin/Nelkirk/Williams
BMI) From the CD, "Vintage
Y'allternative"
Order and Artist info: Bllfrog@concentric.net American Remains The Highwaymen (Rivers
Rutherford BMI/ASCAP) Blue Norther Charlene Condray Hancock
(Hancock /Petty BMI) From the CD, "50
Years"
Order and Artist info: www.TexanaDames.com He Stopped Loving Her Today George Jones
(Braddock/Putman BMI) Little Birdie Steve Young (Steve Young
BMI) From the CD, "Primal
Young"
Order info: www.AppleseedRec.com
Artist info: www.SteveYoung.net
America Gets "NEKKID" with BuDDy!
BuDDy's Anthem
of Love & Peace,
"NEKKID" (5:45) (lyrics
are below)
Recorded
live 10-19-02 at the Tricklock Theater Company's "Reptilian
Lounge," Albuquerque, NM, featuring the Tricklock Singers
(Kerry and Julie). Thanks to Walter Ganz, Marilyn and Ed
Winter-Tamkin.
Click
here for
more of the best musical satire on the Web, including BuDDy's
tribute to National Public Radio diva Susan Stamberg's eternal,
infernal cranberry sauce recipe!
(L-R:
BuDDy, Kerry Morrigan, Julie Ethridge) This song available on home video,
along with BuDDy's hit short film, "Run BuDDy Run"!
Quiz:
In which photo do you see glimmerings of wisdom, compassion
and true presidential greatness? Which of these individuals
looks best able to decisively lead the Free World in the 21st
century? We think the choice is clear: Write-in Buddy in
2004!
(BuDDy's Patriotic Disclaimer: We always love our current
president, whoever he or she may be, especially in time of war).
It seems we’ve gone crazy, like this world’s
in a mess.
We ain’t drinkin’ our water, our 8 glasses I guess.
We ain’t getting' our roughage, or whatever it takes
To remember we’re family, on a dustball in space.
We’re goin’ to war now, with this
one and that.
First it’s the Afghans, and now it’s Iraq.
There must be some solution, that one fella can do
Who just wants to be your friend, and yes I mean you.
CHORUS: I’d like to get nekkid, with everyone
on my block,
Get in some big old hot tub, turn on the Springsteen and rock!
Let the love vibe start rollin’, 'cross the city and then
‘Cross the country and oceans, then back to us again.
There ain’t no room for smart bombs, when
we’re sendin' potatas.
And if everyone’s eatin', there ain’t no need for
Al Qadas.
We can work out the details, as we soak in our tub
With about 40 others, who could use a back rub.
CHORUS: I’d like to get nekkid, with
everyone on my block,
Get in some big old hot tub, turn on old Waylon and rock!
Let the love vibe start rollin’,
'cross the city and then
‘Cross the country and oceans, then back to us again.
“Everybody!” -- Wouldn’t
y’all like to get nekkid, with everyone on your block?
Get in some big old hot tub, turn on the Springsteen and rock!
Let the love vibe start rollin’, 'cross the city and then
‘Cross the country and oceans, then back to us again.
BUDDY SINGS! BuDDy Converse
and the Sneakers have two songs featured on the internationally-acclaimed
CD by Jim Terr and Friends, "Demos & Diamonds." — Click here to hear
an excerpt of "Chili and Beans." (windows
media)
— Click here to hear "Ginkgo
and Tofu," by going to the CD page.
— To see and hear more from
the "Demos and Diamonds" CD, click here.
Hear
BuDDy sing "Susan's
Cranberry Sauce," a tribute to National
Public Radio's Susan Stamberg!
Hear BuDDy's answers to this week's questions
on "BUDDY'S KWESTION KORNER"SM
Hear BuDDy's
down-home but dreadfully insightful answers to all your concerns-personal,
political, romantic, business, whatever. (Total time out of
your life: 11 minutes).
This
week's questions:
1. Dear
BuDDy, I'm feelin' kind of low these days, Buddy. My good friend,
Jeff, has had a girlfriend that my wife and I know and like very
much for the past two years or so. Recently he has started dating
a woman at work who is engaged and a bombshell. He doesn't spend
much time with me like he used to and he's really scatter brained.
He forgets promises made, meeting times and seems distracted-like
his brain is full of testosterone. He wants my advice on his situation.
He's unwilling to give up his girlfriend until the other girl
breaks off her engagement. Her fiance is also clueing in and it
could get dangerous. I'm not sure what to do, I want to be a friend
and I miss our old times together. What can I tell him? What can
I do? Thanks Bud, Dwayne
2. What's
the deal with Jesus and the Jews? (how's that for a question).
Bill
3. Hey
BuDDy, You sound like a real down home, practical, plain spoken
type. I hope you'll be honest. I find that most people I run into
in this world are idiots. Do you think that's the true ratio or
is it just me?
4. Say
BuDDy, Why does the music on Country Music radio stations totally
suck - - - ? [censored] Was just kinda wondering, George B.
5. I've
heard that Django Reinhardt was abducted by aliens many times
from the age of 14, and that the injury to his right hand was
caused by an alien aircraft crash, and that the aliens saved him
from the Nazis during WW2 to repay him for the crash. And they
made it so he could play guitar really good, too. Is this true?
And what's the deal with Robert Johnson and the Devil? I know
this is 2 questions, sorry, but I gotta know.
To
send a question, click
here. Real questions only, please. Don't patronize
ol' BuDDy; he's smarter than he looks.
Note from
BuDDy: This article wasn't entirely fair to old BuDDy, but by golly
we believe in free speech and democracy--and especially in free publicity!!--
so by golly here it is, exactly as they wrote it:
BUDDY CONVERSE:
AN ENIGMA OR A MYSTERY?
Local Celebrity to Debut on World Wide Web
By Will Finley,
Tri-Cities Register, 8-23-2000 (Reprinted by permission)
Tri-Cities residents know well Buddy Converse's friendly, fleshy face
due to frequent appearances on local TV, selling used cars with his
familiar slogan, "We just wanna be your friend." And Buddy's bullfrog-like
voice has won him a small but loyal following for his country/western
band, Buddy Converse and the Sneakers, appearing for the past eight
years every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night at Brenda's Bar on North
Fourth Street.
And
although it hasn't appreciably affected the size of the crowd at Brenda's,
Buddy achieved a brief flash of notoriety in the past year when the
"Demos and Diamonds" CD by Jim Terr and Friends, featuring a couple
of songs by Buddy and his band, garnered some national and even international
recognition.
It
was evidently this radio exposure and Buddy's brief appearance in a
bizzare TV spot for Buddy's Autos on "The $2.98 Video Collection" that
brought Buddy to the attention of a consortium of international investors
which will market Buddy as the All-American icon, the genuine article,
the Real Thing, on a web site to appear on the Internet soon.
Buddy's
upcoming media blitz is backed by a cartel of "Dot-Com" venture capitalists
and other entrepreneurs who feel that they've found the essential Middle
American Hero to capture America's heart, to package and merchandise
as the perfect Average American. "I don't know about none of that,"
Buddy says with characteristic good-old-boy innocence. "I appreciate
the attention, but I don't think of myself as average, really. I don't
know where they're coming from on that one but I tell ya, we do just
wanna be your friend."
Buddy
claims that his continued success as a used car dealer-in spite of a
long dry spell in that industry-is due to his positive attitude. "We
love everybody. We serve all the good folks
of the Tri City
area here, all kinds of people. We got your Catholics, your Baptists,
we even got a few Jews here, we love 'em all. Buddhists from Pakistan
or wherever, Hindus from Japan and South Korea, they
all come see Buddy. And
even some Zoroastrians--good folks, too, by the way--we hope they'll
come back and see us."
But
the Register has found that Buddy's friendly demeanor and cloying motto
belie a darker past, including a record of several indictments for Mann
Act violations and racketeering. Buddy, however, remains defiant-and
of course positive: "None of that's ever been proven in court and besides,
I don't want to dwell on the negative, that's not how I got to be where
I am today. We just wanna be your friend."
Buddy's
manic concern with "being your friend" may have even deeper, more complex
roots. He admits to having been hospitalized on several occasions for
nervous disorders and substance abuse issues, but he maintains that
this only makes him more qualified to be a public figure and role model.
"I
don't really want to talk much about that stuff," he told The Register,
"But let's just say I been through some rough times. I been to the mountaintop
and I've been to the desert, yeah, I've been about as far down as a
man can go. But if it don't kill ya, it just makes ya stronger, and
I believe those experiences helps me relate to everybody, that's why
I wanna do this column."
Buddy
is referring to the "on-line" question-and-answer feature he'll be conducting
with people who e-mail questions to him at "Buddy's Old-Fashioned Web
Site" (www.YourFriendBuddy.com.) Buddy will answer selected questions
both in print and in "Real Audio" format, for those "Websters" equipped
with sound capability.
In
spite of the many questions about our local "mystery man," the Register
joins Buddy's many friends in the Tri-Cities area in wishing him much
success in his "on-line" venture, which may also bring an additional
measure of attention and economic development to the Tri-Cities area.
Hear BuDDy's "Nekkid" public radio fundraiser spot! CLICK
HERE
We would like to
acknowledge the Statler Brothers, who on two albums in the 1970s introduced
the fabulous character who inspired BuDDy, Lester "Roadhog" Moran (and
His Cadillac Cowboys.) We can't recommend these albums enough!
Tony
Byworth & Associates 34
York Road, New Barnet, Herts EN5 1LJ, England
phone: (+44) 020 8440 8884 fax: (+44) 020 8449 4005
a-mail: byworth@clara.net mobile: (+44) 0794 1818446
NEW MEXICO HUMOURIST GUESTS ON INTERNET COUNTRY
SHOW Santa Fe's BuDDy picks the
music, showcasing many New Mexico
favorites worldwide
The latest edition of the Internet Country Show (www.internetcountryshow.com) offers something different. Presented
by BuDDy Converse, it brings to worldwide web attention
a character who is one of Santa Fe, New Mexico’s most colourful
– and irreverent – entertainers.
During the course of the show's 40 minute running time, BuDDy (as he's known locally) presents his choice of
favourite country tracks, alongside adding comments and observations. “Overall it adds up to a real left field programme, something
entirely different than what’s been featured on the site before,
and I look forward to getting listener reactions” says the Internet Country Show’s founder Barry
Ainsworth. “It’s also a show that’s very
true to traditional roots and introduces a number of fine artists who
might not be known on a worldwide basis”.
The artists featured on the show include Kathy
Chiavola (Too Far Gone), Merle Haggard(Big City), Charlene Condray Hancock (Blue
Norther), Michael Hearne (I Taught Her Everything
She Knows), Highway 101 (Cry Cry Cry), The Highwaymen (American Remains), George
Jones (He Stopped Loving Her Today), The Last
Mile Ramblers (Tennessee), Elliott Rogers (Prayin’ Hands), Jim Terr (Cold
Dark Taverns) and Steve Young (Little Birdie).
Several of these artists are from New Mexico, and the others have visited
and performed there often.
As usual, CMA award winning broadcaster David
Allan introduces the show – and BuDDy even slips in one of his own recordings, Gingko & Tofu.
Biography and record information, alongside photographs, is provided
on all the artists.
A protégé of New Mexico singer/songwriter,
satirist and video producer Jim Terr, Buddy is immediately
recognizable by his (quote) “unconventional good looks, frog-like
voice and beer belly”. He has been building a loyal following
in his native home state thanks to his stage performances at Albuquerque's
Reptilian Lounge and at conventions and private parties; the movie short “Run BuDDy Run” (a parody of the hit German
feature “Run Lola Run”) and his "BuDDy's
Old-Fashioned Web Site" (www.YourFriendBuddy.com), an
advice centre where surfers can sample this character’s folksy
humour, music and video. The web site also features a live performance
video of Buddy's unusual "anthem of peace and love," "NEKKID."
The BuDDy Converse Special is the latest
show to be added to the Internet Country Show web site,
which attracts around 50,000 listeners each month.
(Official figures can be supplied). Other recent programmes include Linda Gail Lewis’ Country Music Choice, Randall
Lee Rose's special tribute to Elvis Presley and David Allan’schoice of
All-Time Favourite Country Records. Currently 10 different programmes
are available.
Established two years ago, the Internet Country
Show is intended as an "all-encompassing" web site
for country music fans. Besides a regular output of programmes, other
attractions include the Country Music Store, Message Board and Chat Room. Also, coming up soon, are the debut artists
to be featured on Have You Heard This?, the web site’s
“new to you” section, as well as the first of the site’s Special Record Offers.
The programmes on the Internet Country Show are coordinated and produced by Tony Byworth for Barry
Ainsworth’s Freeway internet group. All musical content
strictly adheres to copyright and royalty regulations.
For more information on the site’s facilities
and advertising, please contact Barry Ainsworth –
barry@freeway.demon.co.uk or Tony Byworth – byworth@clara.net
. For more information on BuDDy, please contact Jim Terr - email
(OUR HERO) A NOTE ON POLITICS: We believe that
in a large, complicated world you've got to rule with an iron hand.
As our president, Mr. George Bush, said, a dictatorship would be a
heck of a lot easier as long as I'm running it. Mr. Silvio Berlusconi
has taken that to heart over in Italy, where he owns most of
the media and the people are smart enough to understand that you've
got to control the flow of information too, if you're going
to get anything done, so they let him do it.
Plus, he's got around $10B (US) and if you're going to demand
respect you've got to have lots of money. That's true of BuDDy and
Mr. George Bush, but it's harder to get away with in this country
without the peasants throwing rocks at you. But over in Italy they
know if you're going to lead you've got to lead, and everybody
else get the heck out of the way, so they let him own almost all of
the newspapers and TVs in order to tell them what they need to know,
and no more.
BuDDy isn't political; we just want to be your friend, but maybe
we could learn something from our friends, the Italians. Your friend,
Love, BuDDy.
(temporarily down...)
It's
up and RUNNING (Well, it USE to be) -BuDDy BuDDy's
Old Fashioned Podcast!
A FUNNY MIX-UP: BuDDy's people sent this guy a request to keep an eye out for properties to buy, since BuDDy is involved in real estate among other ventures, and this guy mis-read it to be a request for a housesitting recommendation, not house-buying recommendations. Here's what he sent. We reprint it here since it does give some insight into BuDDy:
To Whom It Should Concern,
I've known BuDDy for some time and he is one drinking carousing son of a bitch. When he throws a party everyone gets naked and jumps in the bathtub after they completely cover their bodies with Wesson oil (if you know what I mean). His parties last all night and always end the morining the trash is picked up by the Santa Fe refuse department. BuDDy gets billed extra but it ain't no big deal since he is very concerned with maintaining his image with housewives in the neighborhood.
Many times BuDDy has been my dog sitter. He has been very responsible only loosing the dog inside of his condominium, never outside. BuDDy has a lot of relatives that come in from the family ranch out near Stanley to whoop it up and he always puts them and their animals up by spreading straw all over the floor to create a friendly bunkhouse atmosphere. BuDDy has been able to cultivate a high quality garden with all the dung he finds in the straw.
On top of all this, BuDDy has all kinds of alternative lifestyle friends who are rejected by society at large and even by their conterparts in some cases. So BuDDy is a good person and hugs anybody, anytime, even Santa Fe ultra-liberals!
Most importantly BuDDy can fix anything that he breaks. He has so much ingenuity that no one has ever figured out how he makes his repairs. If BuDDy can survive on the ranch he certainly can take care of your property.
Sincerely,
BuDDy's anonymous reference
THIS SHOW HAS BEEN POSTPONED - SORRY!
Tricklock "Reptilian Lounge" long-time favorite * Tickets $12 ($10 advance) THIS SHOW HAS BEEN POSTPONED - SORRY!
"THE LIFE AND TIMES OF BuDDy"
an intimate portrayal by satirist Jim Terr - a one-time event!
With video testimonials by Dave Barry,* Scott Simon (NPR), Phil Proctor (Firesign Theater), James Fallows and other famous BuDDy fans.
(BuDDy & ♥entourage♥ will attend, to greet fans & make sure BuDDy is well portrayed)
*"Nobody has had a greater influence on my life than BuDDy has,
with the possible
exception of Jesus or Abraham Lincoln" -Dave Barry
Almost all new songs, plus a few favorites like "Let's Go Through Menopause Together," "Nekkid", and "Another Heterosexual Wedding" - all to be available on a new CD! All proceedings - including audience - will be videotaped
And may we recommend dinner before, at the fabulous THAI CRYSTAL across the street
ANNOUNCING BuDDy's HOLIDAY HAIKU CONTEST!!
Below are lyrics for the 12 songs on BuDDy's new CD, "Love BuDDy". Submit your own haiku
reflecting those song lyrics (samples below). Best original haiku (in BuDDy's sole opinion)
for each song, submitted hereby January 1, will receive a free, autographed,
mailed copy
of BuDDy's new CD.
Good luck, and check your Inner BuDDy for inspiration. (Haiku = 5-7-5) Up to 12 CDs will be awarded, if great haikus are received for every song. Return to top of page FAQ: Yes, you can submit as many as you like. Yes, some entries will be posted here from time to time.
Congratulations to contest winners, highlighted in GREEN. See winner's page.
Old boy up in Minneapolis, in the airport stall,
Took a shot and got so busted, took a mighty fall.
Can anybody out there remember this fella’s name?
Who knows and who cares any more, it’s all a cryin’ shame.
But he tried to blame his downfall on a wide-stance attitude,
Now you’re crowdin’ ol’ Buddy on that one,
You’d best be careful, dude.
Yeah I got a WIDE STANCE. Doin’ my own kinda PRIDE DANCE. My girls is sworn to SI-LENCE, and I’m keepin’ it in MY PANTS, But I got a mighty WIDE STANCE.
So take pride in your merits, be all that you can be.
But radishes ain’t carrots and they never will be.
Yeah, be proud of your assets but on some things take the 5th.
And give ol’ BuDDy credit for his own peculiar gifts.
Yeah I got a mighty WIDE STANCE You say share the gift but I CAN’T. Squirt guns ain’t fire HY-DRANTS,
of an equal there’s a SLIGHT CHANCE I’m practicin’ a WIDE STANCE.
(sample)
A very wide stance
Signifies nothing special
But quiets the mind.
Not gay by God NO
yet in my airport toilet
wide stance brings new friend
(E.K.)
Peeking over stall
Your hands obscure my vision.
Please turn more this way.
(G.S.)
Trying to connect,
Reached outside protecting walls. Boy, was I surprised.
(B.C.)
Offensive Obscene
Tap of foot and swipe of hand
Craig busted again
(T.L.)
THE WIDDER UP THE STREET
Old BuDDy was a-talkin to a friend the other day
Who said a fella in the neighborhood had passed away.
A dot-com millionaire I never had a chance to meet,
Leavin a grievin, sad and lonely widder up the street.
My friend told me this widder was no more than 35,
Beautiful and theretofore so glad to be alive.
Somehow this story touched my heart and I resolved to meet
This grievin, desolate, brokenhearted widder up the street.
Sometimes simple circumstance it makes you stop and think
That maybe your self-centered life and petty cares just stink. Yes, I knew then and there my life would be so incomplete If I did not reach out to help that widder up the street.
I tried and tried to telephone, I knocked upon her door.
I left her thoughtful notes and sent her letters by the score.
But sometimes when your heart is broke it’s hard to be upbeat.
And I guess that’s what had happened to this widder up the street.
She called the cops, I cannot blame her, for she was in despair.
They sentenced me to county jail and I’m writin this from there.
If only they’d all understood I’d be washin’ the weary feet
Of this sad and lonely, grievin, desolate widder up the street.
Yes from the rudest circumstance comes impulses so sweet.
Like BuDDy wantin to reach out, to the widder up the street.
(sample)
Rich, lonely widow.
Man very willing to "help"
Big trouble coming.
Sometimes my agenda
Is so hidden I believe
My own horse puckey
(G.S.)
Protective order
Locked poor BuDDy in the clink
Anna Nicole Rests
(T.L.)
Under 35?
Buddy wants to comfort you
In your hour of grief.
(L.J.T.)
Buddy told the cops
He’s gawking but not stalking.
But he was nekkid.
(L.J.T.)
LET’S GO THROUGH MENOPAUSE TOGETHER
Darlin please don’t fret cuz I guessed your age was 45.
I think at our age we should just be glad that we’re alive.
Although it makes you beautiful I hate to see them tears.
Heck, Buddy’s ‘bout as old as you, give or take 10 years.
Cheese and wine gets better with age – and all of them clichés.
I look forward to you and me sharin’ millions of happy days.
Once we make it through this thing we just might live forever.
Yes, let’s go through menopause together.
We’ll fight like dogs, we’ll have no clue
what the other’s talkin’ ‘bout. So many arguments we can’t begin to sort ‘em out. But a love as strong as ours even the change of life can’t sever. Let’s go through menopause together.
Yeah won’t it be so nice to finally get a good night’s sleep
Without all that seduction stuff that makes us feel so cheap?
We just met so pardon me but I love you like I’ve never,
So let’s go through menopause together.
Yeah we’ll get whatever pills and lotions
ease us through that phase, But no estrogen, testosterone or artificial aids. It’s just a fact someday we’ll run on pulleys, slings, and levers, So let’s go through menopause together. Yes let’s go through menopause together.
(sample)
Rome? Yes. France? Maybe.
But menopause vacation?
Thanks, I don't think so.
Looks like I'm willing
To flatter a haggy crone
To get my rocks off.
(G.S.)
Time screams, “You are old!”
and makes you crazy. I am
Still crazy for you.
(B.C.)
Viagra for Bud
Brings smile to his honey pie
But eight hours she cries
(T.L.)
EL TUCKINERO
Here and there around the world, children start to cry
Because, you see, it’s time for bed and they do not know why.
But here and there at bed time, children start to grin. --
Cuz I am El Tuckinero, and I will tuck you in.
Yes, I make sure your blankie fits snugly ‘round your feet. And that the room’s not hot or cold but comfortable and sweet. Sleeping is one game, you see, that everyone can win. I am El Tuckinero, and I will tuck you in.
Now if your mom or daddy is there to kiss your cheek,
I go on to the next kid, perhaps just down the street.
I tuck it ‘round your shoulders, I tuck it ‘round your chin.
I am El Tuckinero, and I will tuck you in.
CHORUS
So if it is your bedtime but sleep it does not come.
Just know that I will be there and I will get you some.
Cuz you deserve to dream no matter how your day has been.
I am El Tuckinero, and I will tuck you in.
CHORUS
Yes I’m so glad I found this job that fits so nice my skin. I am El Tuckinero, and I will tuck you in.
(sample)
Who tucks you in, child?
Not a babysitter, but
El Tuckinero!
My knees are weak, I can’t see.
That go-blind story never impressed me.
But I never fell in quite so deep.
I can’t work, I can’t sleep.
Can’t think of nothin’ but you all day.
Then when I’m with ya, can’t go away.
Never knew love had such a cost.
I must be doin’ something wrong.
Love can be sacred and profane. I think the house, controls this game. The pit boss smiles his evil grin. I’m payin’... The wages... of sin... Again
So turn me loose. No – I take that back.
Can’t get this train offa this here track.
I got your eyes burnin’ in my head.
Where I should have some sense instead.
Buyin’ you stuff, I’m goin’ broke.
I toss and turn, I drink and smoke.
Now I’m just hopin’ that I’ll live.
You want everything I can give.
CHORUS
(sample)
Jesus, not again!!
Payin' the wages of Sin?
Yes, Jack, once again.
Once again I've confused
Real love with the fake kind.
Need to dry my wick.
(G.S.)
Red or Black Roulette
Probability better
Then winning that thang
(T.L.)
I’M GONNA LOVE THE GLENN BECK OUT OF YOU
Darlin when I met you, I was struck by your sweet smile.
But quickly I became aware of a slightly robot style.
Then slowly I began to undeniably detect
Some stylistic semblance to that TV clown, Glenn Beck.
Yeah the way you’d start to cry whenever you would make a point, The squiggly little lines and graphs
like you’d smoked a couple joints. Get over here and feel the one thing we both know is true: I’m gonna love the Glenn Beck outta you.
I understand the strong appeal of a man with such strong views
Who loves his country so darn much it gets him all confused.
But sometimes you must focus on the one who loves you so.
And Glenn don’t love you half as much as his big ol’ pile of dough.
Yeah there ain’t room for the three of us in my big water bed, So you gotta get that pudgy twirp from deep inside your head. Sometimes I can’t quite keep it straight just who I’m talkin’ to. So let me love the Glenn Beck outta you.
Yeah join my cult and feel the love for just a day or two, And I’ll love the Glenn Beck outta you.
(Please note this is an office-
safe, family friendly website.)
(Hence several clever
submissions have not been
posted here)
(sample)
Glenn Beck entrances
But must be forcefully purged
For love to endure
Glenn Beck hot Haiku.
I shared my feelings truly.
BuDDy censored it.
(B.C.) (We are not about your fealings
we are about provideing the
most for your enertainement
dollar Love BuDDy,)
.
NEKKID
It seems we’ve gone crazy, like this world’s in a mess.
We ain’t drinkin’ our water, our 8 glasses I guess.
We ain’t getting' our roughage, or whatever it takes
To remember we’re family on a dustball in space.
We’re goin’ to war, now, with this one and with that.
First it’s the Afghans, and now it’s Iraq.
There must be some solution that one fella can do
Who just wants to be your friend, and yes I mean you. And then it hit me, there is one thing one fella can do..
I’d like to get nekkid, with everyone on my block.
Get in some big old hot tub, turn on the Springsteen and rock!
Let the love vibe start rollin’ 'cross the city and then
‘Cross the country and oceans, then back to us again.
There ain’t no room for smart bombs when we’re sendin' potatas.
And if everyone’s eatin' there ain’t no need for Al Qadas.
We can work out the details as we soak in our tub
With about 40 others who could use a back rub.
CHORUS: Wouldn't y'all like to...
(sample)
World peace coming soon.
Forty folks in a hot tub.
(Gotta start somewhere)
Breeze makes me shiver
I stand open to the sky
Cool to be bare-assed
(E.K.)
Roughage for Prostrate
Can't be all that bad for Peace
Keeps us regular
(T.L.)
GRAND OLD DESIGNER
You look around and see the trees, the birds and clouds and stars,
And your body that sleeps and heals and grows
and can drive or fix a car.
And ya wonder – IF ya wonder – how it all could come to be.
Whether God or some slow, steady force made it all and you and me.
Well BuDDy’s opinion ain’t worth much but I’ll state it anyway.
Cuz after all it’s my CD for which you hopefully paid.
This came to me while I was layin’ back in my naugahyde recliner,
That the universe was whipped together by some Grand Old Designer.
He dreamed this up from stars & space & quarks & quirky matter. Then set back to watch the love & war
and endless thoughtful chatter. Perhaps he weeps at how we fight over what he gave for free. The great Grand Old Designer, initials G-O-D.
Perhaps he hoped we’d get along without further instruction.
Or maybe we’re his sports TV and he chuckles at our destruction.
Or perhaps he doesn’t really care and either way is fine.
He’s done his job by giving us this miracle of design.
CHORUS
(sample)
Grand Old Designer
Sits back, watching patiently
As His work plays out.
Grand Old Designer
Reviews all that we have done
Wants Her planet back
(E.B.)
Who, what, where, when, why?
The Grand Design begs questions.
Will He make repairs?
(B.C.)
Architect for years
Laughs at us between cold beers
We bring him to tears
(T.L.)
ANOTHER HETEROSEXUAL WEDDING
We gather here together, to bless these lovely kids.
The decision that they’re makin’, we’re happy that they did.
You fall in love, you say “be mine”, you get who you select.
You hope to God that when the preacher asks, no one objects.
The world is turnin’ upside down, it’s changin’ so darn fast,
You think you got it figured out but nothin’ seems to last.
So even though it’s unusual we bless this holy day
It’s another heterosexual wedding, right here in Santa Fe.
Yes, we must be accepting, they’re breakin’ brand-new ground.
Let’s take comfort in their love, in the chapel bells’ sweet sound.
It’s a brave new world we’re livin’ in, it’ll all work out, we pray.
It’s another heterosexual wedding, right here in Santa Fe.
Yes this is quite unprecedented in this place and time. But with God’s holy blessing, everything will work out fine. When they are in their eighties, yes in the rockin chair, What anybody thought today, you know these two won’t care.
It’s love as true as ever was, almost anyone can see.
If they’re makin’ this commitment that’s good enough for me.
What’s really wrong, what’s really right, not one of us can say.
It’s another heterosexual wedding right here in Santa Fe.
So won’t you join old BuDDy in sayin “BonVoyage.”
Let’s hope that all our weddin’ gifts don’t end up in the garage.
But you know their love & their weddin’ rings won’t turn up on e-bay.
It’s another heterosexual wedding, right here in Santa Fe.
(sample)
A man and woman
Get married in Santa Fe.
What will they try next?
One man one woman
Sixty-nine ways to avoid
Having any kids
(E.B.)
June bride! Happy Day!
Boy and girl, joyful moment.
Huge population.
(B.C.)
LIVIN’ IN THE LAND OF THE FREE
I was raised where only the eagle flies, --
He plucks bats and hummingbirds outta the sky.
We got our freedom and we got our bounty,
We got all we need here in Flat Rock County. We’re wise and lean and tough, don’t need your fancy stuff..
Don’t really need no—
English muffins or German cars, Italian sausage or sushi bars.
No lox and bagels and no French toast,
no San Francisco or the whole Left Coast.
No Chinese food, no New York delis,
a quarter pounder just about fits our bellies, -- It’s good for me, livin’ in the land of the free.
I got a 4-foot flat screen TV,
American Idol is enough for me. Plus of
course my news and weather and sports,
Keep your activists offa my Supreme Court. Yeah we got all we need, we’re a rough and ready breed…
Don’t need your stinkin’-
Teriyaki or pita bread, no Indian legends goin’ through my head.
No soccer, no Canadian health care.
If I want Swiss cheese I guess I’ll go there.
No Russian dolls or Swedish massage, no Japanese car in my garage. Yeah don’t get in our way, or we’ll blow you away…
Got no use for-
Belgian waffles or French perfume, no Irish linens in my bedroom.
No stuffed Greek olives, no Mexican beer.
I’m happy with what we got right here. It’s fine with me.. In the land of the (free)
No Danish furniture, no caviar, no PBS and no NPR.
No Irish oatmeal, no Scotch tape.
No sweet, little, round French champagne grapes.
No Prairie Home Companion, no Mexican food,
I’m really not tryin’ to be rude. I’m just me.. In the land of the FREEEeeee….
(sample)
No French toast, thank you.
And no stinking caviar!.
This is the U.S.!
Where are my Cookies
You Commie Pinko Bastard
Not free no cookies
(T.L.)
GOD BLESS NEW MEXICO
From the eastern plains of Clovis to the mountains up in Taos,
From the ridgetop mansions in Hyde Park to a small adobe house.
From the county roads near Farmington to Albuquerq’s "Big I,"
We’re all in this together under the big New Mexico sky…
And I’m proud to be a New Mexican,
where we message while we drive. And you don’t need to wait til tomorrow for manana to arrive. But I’d gladly stand up, then sit down,
20 times at the half time show. ‘Cause we’re fit and lean, we’re strong and mean... God bless New Mexico!
From Elephant Butte Lake State Park to the shores of Conchas Dam,
Don’t tell me to wear no life vest.. No, remember where I am.
I’m lucky to have my huevos ranchero-style for breakfast.
And I’m glad we’re close to heaven ‘cause we’re also close to Texas.
And I’m proud to be a New Mexican,
where ya can’t make me wear sun screen. And I don’t have to use turn signals,
and I’m free to choose red or green. And now was it yellow, green or red that’s my signal I should go? Who really cares? I’m already there... God bless New Mexico...
(sample)
Sure as the sun sets
May God bless New Mexico.
Lord knows we need it.
State pride seems silly
When we're down the good list
And topp'n off the bad.
(G.S.)
State choice: Red or green?
Our Governor took the green;
Now we’re in the red.
(L.J.T.)
GOD MADE TRUCKS
My son came home from Sunday school with questions by the ton.
‘Bout when this was created ‘n when this and that was done.
I’d just come off a long, hard haul ‘n had made a couple bucks.
‘N without thinking much I said,
“Son, remember, also, God made trucks”.
My boy said “Dad, I know that 18-wheeler’s your salvation.
But I don’t believe it figures in the story of Creation.”
I almost thought he had me there, that clever little cuss,
But I tried my best to show him that, in fact, God DID make trucks.
He made the hands that hold her steady a full 10 hours at a stretch, Keep it straight through wind and rain,
ice and snow you can’t forget. The Lord made folks who won’t rest
til they’ve made a million bucks. But also guys like your old man who know that God made trucks.
No matter what 4-wheelers or anybody thinks about us
This country’d go straight down the toilet in about three days without us.
You might be able to putter down the road so quiet and sweetly
But your cupboards’d be half-empty
... and the stores would be.. completely.
The Lord He made that iron ore,
that makes that rig so strong and bright, The oil that keeps it rollin’ loud,
roarin’ through that cold, dark night. Yeah He made rainbows, roosters, flowers, elephants and ducks. But sure as I am standin’ here, boy, truly, God made trucks.
CHORUS
(sample)
If God made carrots
He meant to have them in stores.
So He made trucks.
Hot summer highways
Trucks are full of laughing men
I’m filled with God’s drive
(B.C.)
When submitting a public service message idea to the New Mexico Department of Transportation, please follow these simple guidelines: DON’T DO IT!!!
Take it from me, a guy with a fairly good public record of creative work (including the VERY long-running “Toss No Mas” jingle. I submitted an idea which arguably, years later, resulted in the popular NMDOT “Don’t Text” video, “DNTXT: Deadly Conversation”. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwta1bxyLGw )
When I made the Department aware of my earlier submission, and gently suggested they pay me what I had requested as a creative fee in the first place, they politely declined, based on technicalities**, while not actually denying that my idea may have likely resulted in the current campaign.
This is the highly principled, morality-in-government, “do the right thing” Martinez administration, by the way. So, until further notice, and until they decide to do the right thing, my suggested guideline for submitting ideas remains: DON’T DO IT!
- Jim Terr 2014 / email bluecanyon2 – at – juno – dot – com
** and asking ME – legal expert that I am not – if I can let them know of any statutes contradicting the technicality they cited!!
